There's something there.

I am in my mind tonight...there is more to come on this sight very soon...but for now please refer to my evil blog...that is where I posted tonight. Although I'll warn you now...it's long and boring...but it's something...
Thanks again to E. for the amazing upgrades to my sights...namely the evil blog and the movie review blog...
She never ceases to amaze me...and my life is better because of her.
I love all of you.

Back to Basics

Okay, so Erica the Genius finally fixed my broken links...so it all works on the side now. Also I'm going to be making some more changes. I think I like blogging. blah blah blah...

Today I watched Gothika...you can read more about that in my review blog...(Now that the link works.) I was watching, thinking that there was a time in my life I would have thought that was a lot cooler than I did today. When I was young I read everything there was to read on the subjects of ghosts, vampires, demons, devils...whatever. I read it all. I read my first H.P. Lovecraft when I was in fifth grade. I wanted to believe in it all. Especially ghosts. My mom used to tell me of the time when we lived in a haunted house. She told me all the stories of what the ghost would do. Apparently the ghost...a 19th century nurse....female...hated my mom. She would do shit...all sorts of stuff that I don't really remember now, but when she first told me about it I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. I remember having fantasies of going back to the house when I was older and making contact. Communicating with the dead. Finding out why she was still here...instead of wherever it was she was supposed to be. Heaven, hell, purgatory...whatever...
I loved it. There's part of me that still does. I still love it, but I recognize it all as fiction now. I'm much more skeptical on the whole thing. Sorry folks, the young believer grew up and now...well...I think X-files is entertaining, but I just don't buy anything. Nothin. I really think the dead are dead. They may still continue in some form, essence, energy, spirit matter somewhere, but to us they are dead. The end. I don't believe that they come back...in any way. Ever. It's all sentimental fantasy based in hope and need, but still just fantasy. I still like ghost stories. I like to hear how Lincoln walks the halls of the white house...but he doesn't.
So bearing all this in mind Joel and I decided to be Logan Utah's foremost experts on the paranormal. Which meant we walked around graveyards and old houses with a tape recorder. It was fun and we had a few laughs. We got some people to tell us how ghosts beat the shit out of them. I never believed the stories, but the laughs were great. The blank tapes stayed blank. The nights were cold, but we had some great chucks.
I think there is more on this topic to come in the future. My mind is rather cluttered at the moment and I'm not forming my thoughts the way I want to. I think there is something to say that I'm not saying...but I don't know what it is. I do however like the theraputic nature of the blog. So Joel...for now...Here's to being Logan Utah's foremost paranormal experts.

We are all worm food, to be buried in boxes of missed opportunities. Hopefully not all missed however. Some only come once, but worse are the ones that come so often that we miss them knowing we'll catch it next time. Life is all about next time, or tomorrow, or tomorrow.

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms. "Yes we do," he replies. "Would you like to buy some?" "No," says the woman, "but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"

So what are today's highlights?

I hope in heaven I can watch the movie of my life. I hope I can pause on the good parts.

It seems that there is this magic feeling. Some cognizant way of mysteriously knowing things. How do you know? I just know. How will you know? I'll just know. What if the feeling never comes. I decided to stop waiting for the feeling. When it comes...if it ever comes...then I'll move on. Until then...I've got shit to do, and I ain't getting any younger.

Joel, I apologize for not corresponding yet...I will. It's not because I don't care.

Some part of my inner working has pushed the panic button. Mortality reared it's ugly head. I don't understand the whole thing. You see...I've always known I'm going to die. The knowlege of that fact has never, and still doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that sometime in the recent past it became a reality. Now I have to do everything. But everything is no good. So I have to concentrate on one thing.

I will not leave a legacy. My great grand-children won't know me. I hate the idea that we are made immortal through our children. What a crock of shit that is. My father will be forgotten in three generations. It's a shame. He's a pretty cool guy. Art, and words are immortal. But they have to be pretty fan fuckin tastic pieces of work to really push the ages.

The other immortal is questions. Everybody has questions. So to answer questions we created religion. Where religion didn't work we created philosophy...which was just a fancy way of saying...hey, we'll never find the answers so let's make the questions more complicated. I don't think we are in search of any answer. I think we're just looking for the impossible question. Nothing was accessible so Man created god in his own image.

We are rapidly moving faster and faster to no destination. I hope we stay good friends for the journey. It's the world's best road trip and you all make fantastic travel companions. I think we should all hang out naked though. At least moon a few people on that great big endless road of life.

Shotgun.

I'm sitting here...awake, with a few things on my mind this evening. The first thing on my mind is that I should be sleeping. It's already too late for me to even wish I could get 6 hours of sleep...let alone the required 8. Oh well...one more night. I've been thinking about sleep a lot lately actually. Mostly the psychology of it. I know...that's rather weird, but hey...watcha gonna do?
So the final Matrix movie opened today, and I say thank God. Now we can finaly put to rest the second most overrated trilogy of all time. I haven't seen it yet, but I've read the bible...I can pretty much figure how it goes. Lots of cool...meaningless...absolutely superfluous, yet stunningly beautiful fight scenes...intermingled with weak story and frighteningly stupid and cliche'd diologue...neo dies to save humanity...and if the wachowski's really wanna get biblical...neo ressurects and becomes even more godlike. I hope I'm wrong. I hope they do something really cool like turn it all around and we find out agent smith is really the good guy...(sidenote: He's much more interesting anyway, and Hugo Weaving has more cool in his little finger than Canoe will have his entire life...) That'd be alright. In my much less than humble opinion I think the entire Matrix Story is masturbation fodder for pseudo-intellectuals. Break it on down and there's just no substance. I'm still going to see it though. I'll probably like the effects as well.
Next...suspended from school indefinitely today...a young boy (4 or 5) for well...being a boy. On his way to school he found lying in a gutter...a dirty hypo needle. He took it with him to school and all in good fun poked 5 of his classmates. Probably with a smile on his face. Not to be malicious or mean...just being a boy...maybe even flirting in that little boy way...and death ensues in the young ones...perhaps. I hope not. I pray that the needle...though used and dirty...is mostly harmless. God I hope for a happy ending in this one. Yeah...that's the world we live in.
Also on my mind...I will never understand...nor even pretend to...the intricate relationship between a girl and her mother. All women have strange maternal relationships. That's fine...I just don't understand.
We live in a world of voyeurs.
I find it amazing how much the news is focused on keeping us uninformed. Give us the candy and popcorn stylings of Hollywood entertainment...tell us what the stars are wearing and who they're kissing...but for the love of God...don't let us know what's really happening all around us. We don't want to know anyway.

I've given up on a few of you...yeah...you know who you are.