Oh thou hypocrite...

My desire for some iota of personal nobility is challenged at every turn. Sometimes I don't want to fight anymore. Sometimes I want to fight as though my very life depends on it, and sometimes I think it might.
The me I want, and the me I am are seperated by uncrossable chasms of reality. I often know what I should do in order to become my better self, and find that making that decision though would ultimately lead me on a path of personal discovery, I can't do it. I don't have it. I like to believe that love is the answer. That every action based out of a premise of love will always lead to a truer...higher...better personal reality. However, I'm quickly learning that there is such thing as love, and selfish love. I wish I would have made that distinction years ago. I wish I was still a teeneager, and knew all the things I knew then. I wish I had the ability to meet the ideals, that my idealistic self desires. I don't. Plain and simple.

Frustration

So I finally get my home computer up and running and it seems to be systematically falling apart. I think the new home phone I got is interfering with the wireless mouse I already have, cause now I can't use it. I have to use my corded mouse, which is fine, but doesn't have the rolley knob in the middle, and I really love my rolley knob. *Sigh*. Oh well. I've been (Trying) to work out again, so I'm sore all over. I guess it's a good sore, that's what they say, but damn I hurt everywhere. Work is a huge stress...but hey, at least I'm working I guess. The apartment complex I'm at has fucked up so I gotta go talk to the landlord. Of course she's only open when I'm at work so that's gonna be fun to figure out. *Sigh* I desperately want something I can NEVER possibly have. *Sigh* Crap.
All right, so I'm bitching a lot I guess. Maybe tomorrow I will have written something that is actually worth taking the time to read. For tonight...it's simply frustration.

A return

So I've been away from bitchcake for a while. I'm sorry about that. To me mostly. I got lazy, and complacent, making stupid myspace my primary blogspot. Don't get me wrong, I'll still blog there, but no more copy and paste bullshit. Different blogs, for different thoughts, for different reasons. It's all for me. It's all born out of my own selfishness. I don't mind that you all read whatever crap it is I decide to put down at the end of the days...but ulitmately, it's all about me. As it should be.
So I'm back, for what it's worth. To me quite a bit, but ahhhhfuckit.
So yeah...here, myspace, my fiction blog, my evil blog...it's time to resurrect them all I think. You see, once again a story is cooking in that tiny little gray spot up in my head, and this time I HAVE to do something about it. I bitch too much not too, and all these little places help my fingers remember how to move. They help my brain remember how to put words together. So for now, that's all...here. I have a few other places I need to post tonight...a return so to speak to all my little thought spots. I don't know if I was missed, but regardless...it's good to be back.