Oh thou hypocrite...
My desire for some iota of personal nobility is challenged at every turn. Sometimes I don't want to fight anymore. Sometimes I want to fight as though my very life depends on it, and sometimes I think it might.
The me I want, and the me I am are seperated by uncrossable chasms of reality. I often know what I should do in order to become my better self, and find that making that decision though would ultimately lead me on a path of personal discovery, I can't do it. I don't have it. I like to believe that love is the answer. That every action based out of a premise of love will always lead to a truer...higher...better personal reality. However, I'm quickly learning that there is such thing as love, and selfish love. I wish I would have made that distinction years ago. I wish I was still a teeneager, and knew all the things I knew then. I wish I had the ability to meet the ideals, that my idealistic self desires. I don't. Plain and simple.
The me I want, and the me I am are seperated by uncrossable chasms of reality. I often know what I should do in order to become my better self, and find that making that decision though would ultimately lead me on a path of personal discovery, I can't do it. I don't have it. I like to believe that love is the answer. That every action based out of a premise of love will always lead to a truer...higher...better personal reality. However, I'm quickly learning that there is such thing as love, and selfish love. I wish I would have made that distinction years ago. I wish I was still a teeneager, and knew all the things I knew then. I wish I had the ability to meet the ideals, that my idealistic self desires. I don't. Plain and simple.
4 Comments:
At 3:24 PM,
Almighty One said…
I wish I didn't poop so much!
At 12:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
I'm finding existentialism behind every door. It's slightly disheartening.
I often wonder how my life would be different if I could start over as a teenager knowing what I do now. I'm not sure it would be much different.
It's nice to have you back in Bitchcake. Especially since I absconded from Myspace. I'm strictly a Facebook gal now. I like to move from one unnecessary evil to another.
At 9:39 PM,
annette said…
New post please, for those of us who have absconded from myspace.
At 9:29 AM,
Kevin Doyle said…
You know, the problem with selfish love is you can't recognize it when it happens. When you finally figure it out, it's too late and the damage has been done. Then, whatever potential friendship or closeness you could have had with that person is now an impossibility and, worse, you generally hate the person's guts for using you.
Been there.
The good news is that not all love is selfish. It'll happen, just not usually on the time-frame you'd like to apply (speaking as one who didn't marry until he was 38).
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