FRUSTRATION
So the story goes like this...
I'm the chairman of the play selection committee. I make it a point to always talk about staying away from the easy shows like Neil Simon...I suggest we do Proof and miracle of miracles it gets accepted. There is even the small chance I might get to direct. This is a fantastic step forward for LVLT...the theatre company in town with the reputation for doing boring old people shows...and not even great productions of them at that. I'm casually and deviously dropped from doing Play Selection...Proof is handed away on a silver platter with a ribbon on top the the goddamn university (who goes on to sell out their houses and get remarkable reviews from the papers) and we do Driving Miss Fucking Daisy. With mediocre aplomb. We went from taking a giant step forward to regressing right back to where we were. Am I bitter...GODDAMN RIGHT I AM. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who wonders what the board would have done if the University came in and said...Hey you can't do Streetcar named Desire...We're doing that. I can't even imagine for one second that we would have let it go. Especially since essentially despite all promises otherwise....NOTHING CAME OUT OF IT. That's okay the story gets worse. This year's play selection committe...(of which I'm really not a part this year) has decided that instead of relying on directors and actors to make great productions out of some wonderful scripts that might be a little less known...We'll rely on name value alone to sell seats. You know...the type of plays that people will pay to see anyway, so we don't really have to worry about doing a good job...you know...NEIL GODDAMN SIMON. That's right...every show on the list for next year reeks of LVLT past. All forward progress has stopped...and now we're back to settling...
So the story goes like this...No it doesn't...I won't even get into being the bastard stepchild insomniac project....well maybe a little. LVLT cares nothing for the insomniac project. You really get the feeling that they all just want it to go away...In fact in January it will...For at least that run. Their reasoning sounds pretty good on top...until you get underneath and realize that it's all just a bunch of bullshit. I've even proposed putting one together that no one will have to worry about. I won't even use the theatre untill tech week. I'll be out of everyone's way, and LVLT won't have to pay one cent in royalties. I bet they tell me no. Here's hopin...
So the story goes like this...I'm sitting at the bus stop yesterday...like I do...with a few other people. I don't know them...they don't know me...who cares, it's the bus stop. The bus comes by and drives right past us. This is a little frustrating but it's happened before...what can you do...not much. But this lady there walks into the middle of the street, flips the bus off, and yells FUCK YOU as loud as she can...then stands there scowling stil in the street. I have to turn my had to laugh at her. I'm usually incredibly unimpressed by sudden outbursts of anger and temper. The bigger the outburst the funnier it is. Even when I have them...which I do...I have to look back and laugh at how retarded it really was. Here's the real kicker though. The next bus didn't come for thirty more minutes. So we all sat, wasting half an hour in whatever way we do. The next bus finaly comes and we all get on. Crazy woman is still fuming. As soon as we start moving she pulls the string for the next stop. That's right ladies and gents. She screamed raved and raged then waited half an hour for a bus...when it would have taken her under five minutes to walk to where she was going. NEAT.
So the story goes like this...I'm standing at the bus stop...like I do...and there is this blind guy. Inexplicably I start getting really pissed off about that. Despite his quality of life...Despite all the courage that the pundits and family members may say he is filled with. Despite his quality of life, or attitude about his situation...HE STILL CAN'T FUCKING SEE. A million things a day will happen, that I take for granted, that he'll never know. Now perhaps he's adjusted his thinking, and he can say the same about me, in some zen type neato attitude...but the fact is...HE STILL CAN'T FUCKING SEE. And this pisses me off. Yeah, maybe over the course of time he'll save a few bucks on porn, but he'll never see the face of his child...if he has one. He'll never know the expression of pride, joy, or love, that only the eyes can sense. And I don't want to think about this kind of stuff. I don't feel pity, or sorrow...just anger at God...or Providence.
So the story goes like this...My youngest sister gets married, then not much longer pregnant. This is great because she has never wanted anything but to be a mother. And she'd be great at it. 8 months into the pregnancy it is revealed that the baby won't live. None of it's soft tissue has developed. In other words it has no kidneys, lungs, or eyes. The baby is born, and lives for a very short time out of the womb. Long enough for my sister to see her, hold her, and name her Joy. There is sympathy and sadness. There is pain, but in it all is hope. The doctors tell her it's not a genetic defect. What happened was by itself one in a million. She's now safe to go on having children. So soon she gets pregnant again. The same thing happens. I know it wasn't supposed to, but it did. The baby is born, and lives for a very short time out of the womb. Long enough for my sister to see him, hold him, and name him Kyle. There is sympathy and sadness, but now just a little anger as well, and questions. Wasn't she supposed to be safe from all this??? So the Doctors are mystified...what's going on??? When and if she gets pregnant again, she'll be monitored and watched. And when she does, she is. It doesn't matter. The baby is born and lives for a very short time out of the womb. Long enough for my sister to see him, hold him, and name him Bradley. This last happened about three years ago now, and I think she is too afraid to every try again. I think if it did happen again, all the same way, it would kill her. I kinda thought it might last time. Now I really do know the Religious response is God is testing her, it's her trial, she'll be blah blah blah whatever...but let me just say this. How bad, or how weak was my sister that she had to learn the lesson three times. It is easier for me to not believe in a God at all, than to believe in one of such unawnserable cruelty. And not just to my sister, though that's the most pressing, but to everyone. It's easier for me to not believe in God, than to follow the current Evangelical trend in the country and believe that GWB is called of God...even members of my own faith have been heard to say this bullshit. It's easier for me to not believe in any God than to believe he would sanction the death of innocents in other countries because they worship him differently...and they have good oil. Providence answers those questions much better. Much better indeed.
I'm the chairman of the play selection committee. I make it a point to always talk about staying away from the easy shows like Neil Simon...I suggest we do Proof and miracle of miracles it gets accepted. There is even the small chance I might get to direct. This is a fantastic step forward for LVLT...the theatre company in town with the reputation for doing boring old people shows...and not even great productions of them at that. I'm casually and deviously dropped from doing Play Selection...Proof is handed away on a silver platter with a ribbon on top the the goddamn university (who goes on to sell out their houses and get remarkable reviews from the papers) and we do Driving Miss Fucking Daisy. With mediocre aplomb. We went from taking a giant step forward to regressing right back to where we were. Am I bitter...GODDAMN RIGHT I AM. Sometimes I think I'm the only one who wonders what the board would have done if the University came in and said...Hey you can't do Streetcar named Desire...We're doing that. I can't even imagine for one second that we would have let it go. Especially since essentially despite all promises otherwise....NOTHING CAME OUT OF IT. That's okay the story gets worse. This year's play selection committe...(of which I'm really not a part this year) has decided that instead of relying on directors and actors to make great productions out of some wonderful scripts that might be a little less known...We'll rely on name value alone to sell seats. You know...the type of plays that people will pay to see anyway, so we don't really have to worry about doing a good job...you know...NEIL GODDAMN SIMON. That's right...every show on the list for next year reeks of LVLT past. All forward progress has stopped...and now we're back to settling...
So the story goes like this...No it doesn't...I won't even get into being the bastard stepchild insomniac project....well maybe a little. LVLT cares nothing for the insomniac project. You really get the feeling that they all just want it to go away...In fact in January it will...For at least that run. Their reasoning sounds pretty good on top...until you get underneath and realize that it's all just a bunch of bullshit. I've even proposed putting one together that no one will have to worry about. I won't even use the theatre untill tech week. I'll be out of everyone's way, and LVLT won't have to pay one cent in royalties. I bet they tell me no. Here's hopin...
So the story goes like this...I'm sitting at the bus stop yesterday...like I do...with a few other people. I don't know them...they don't know me...who cares, it's the bus stop. The bus comes by and drives right past us. This is a little frustrating but it's happened before...what can you do...not much. But this lady there walks into the middle of the street, flips the bus off, and yells FUCK YOU as loud as she can...then stands there scowling stil in the street. I have to turn my had to laugh at her. I'm usually incredibly unimpressed by sudden outbursts of anger and temper. The bigger the outburst the funnier it is. Even when I have them...which I do...I have to look back and laugh at how retarded it really was. Here's the real kicker though. The next bus didn't come for thirty more minutes. So we all sat, wasting half an hour in whatever way we do. The next bus finaly comes and we all get on. Crazy woman is still fuming. As soon as we start moving she pulls the string for the next stop. That's right ladies and gents. She screamed raved and raged then waited half an hour for a bus...when it would have taken her under five minutes to walk to where she was going. NEAT.
So the story goes like this...I'm standing at the bus stop...like I do...and there is this blind guy. Inexplicably I start getting really pissed off about that. Despite his quality of life...Despite all the courage that the pundits and family members may say he is filled with. Despite his quality of life, or attitude about his situation...HE STILL CAN'T FUCKING SEE. A million things a day will happen, that I take for granted, that he'll never know. Now perhaps he's adjusted his thinking, and he can say the same about me, in some zen type neato attitude...but the fact is...HE STILL CAN'T FUCKING SEE. And this pisses me off. Yeah, maybe over the course of time he'll save a few bucks on porn, but he'll never see the face of his child...if he has one. He'll never know the expression of pride, joy, or love, that only the eyes can sense. And I don't want to think about this kind of stuff. I don't feel pity, or sorrow...just anger at God...or Providence.
So the story goes like this...My youngest sister gets married, then not much longer pregnant. This is great because she has never wanted anything but to be a mother. And she'd be great at it. 8 months into the pregnancy it is revealed that the baby won't live. None of it's soft tissue has developed. In other words it has no kidneys, lungs, or eyes. The baby is born, and lives for a very short time out of the womb. Long enough for my sister to see her, hold her, and name her Joy. There is sympathy and sadness. There is pain, but in it all is hope. The doctors tell her it's not a genetic defect. What happened was by itself one in a million. She's now safe to go on having children. So soon she gets pregnant again. The same thing happens. I know it wasn't supposed to, but it did. The baby is born, and lives for a very short time out of the womb. Long enough for my sister to see him, hold him, and name him Kyle. There is sympathy and sadness, but now just a little anger as well, and questions. Wasn't she supposed to be safe from all this??? So the Doctors are mystified...what's going on??? When and if she gets pregnant again, she'll be monitored and watched. And when she does, she is. It doesn't matter. The baby is born and lives for a very short time out of the womb. Long enough for my sister to see him, hold him, and name him Bradley. This last happened about three years ago now, and I think she is too afraid to every try again. I think if it did happen again, all the same way, it would kill her. I kinda thought it might last time. Now I really do know the Religious response is God is testing her, it's her trial, she'll be blah blah blah whatever...but let me just say this. How bad, or how weak was my sister that she had to learn the lesson three times. It is easier for me to not believe in a God at all, than to believe in one of such unawnserable cruelty. And not just to my sister, though that's the most pressing, but to everyone. It's easier for me to not believe in God, than to follow the current Evangelical trend in the country and believe that GWB is called of God...even members of my own faith have been heard to say this bullshit. It's easier for me to not believe in any God than to believe he would sanction the death of innocents in other countries because they worship him differently...and they have good oil. Providence answers those questions much better. Much better indeed.
