I sit and listen to music. I should be doing something a bit more active. My father always told my that I should work my mind so that I wouldn't have to break my body. My father works fifty hours a week with no overtime at very hard physical labor. He's a miner. Most of you probably didn't know that miner's existed anymore. They do. My father is a living testament to a dead age. He never wanted my body to feel like his does all the time. I got terrible grades in school and it frightened him. He couldn't figure it out. He knew I was smart enough to do the work. I would have long conversations with him on any topic I was currently studying. He thought I was too bored for school. Truth is I was too lazy. So he wanted me to not be lazy then...so I wouldn't have to work hard in the future. The future is now. I don't work hard. Kinda hard, sometimes. But not really. So I don't work my body, and as a result my body is fat. He was absolutely trim until he was forty-eight years old and age caught up with him. His body is broken. He is the smartest man I have ever met. I've met a lot of men. So now, I sit and listen to music. And I write. I should be on a treadmill. I should eat just a little less. I should watch my health. Instead I watch my internet. I get more enjoyment out of writing than almost anything. I've noticed a trend in myself. I surround myself with intelligent people. I've never really thought about it...but somehow I think it's not by accident. I find people much like myself. People more capable of greatness than they actually achieve. You all amaze me. Truly. We are not the rulers of the world we were told we would be. We are not the leaders of tomorrow. I think this is because we were never looking for leaders in the first place. We are intellectual hedonists. We masturbate our brains. But we ask...where is the real mind fuck? So trent hurt himself...to see if he could feel. Then Johnny copied him, but did it better, then died. I think that's so cliche. THere are other things to feel than pain. But then again I've always mainained that we like our pain. Pain isn't pain if we ask for it. I think we are searching for something. I think we are all searching for the same thing. I think I know what it is...but I'll not say yet. All I know is that we've been misled to believe that in order to find it...we must have pain. Oh well. We are a desensitised youth who're losing the youth part. So my friends...who by into the pop myth of cool cynisism...goodnight...continue to search. IF you feel you must bleed to see color...if you must hurt to feel...if you must ache to enjoy...or drink to ignore...then I say continue to bleed, hurt, ache and drink...even if it's not what you are looking for, it's still part of the search. But remember in the searching, to breathe, to listen, to have a moment of silencefor your own lost innocence, and this above all...have fun. I love all of you.